I wish I could punch you in the face.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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