I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
