Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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