Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Randomize
