pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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