WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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