i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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