If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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