yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
