apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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