Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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