I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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