I want to walk on stilts...naked
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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