She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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