so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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