wanna go halves on a baby?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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