my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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