remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
