I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
