The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
