im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
