He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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