I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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