3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
