He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
