yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
