If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
