I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
