if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
