You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
