is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
