just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i drank out of a bidet.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
