I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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