i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
