Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I am naked and annoyed.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
