I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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