And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
