i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
