i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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