I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i now understand why vodka
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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