you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
