it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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