I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
