Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
