Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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