I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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