It was confusing and full of hummus
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
