So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
you never un-have a 4some
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
