he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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