I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
