No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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