she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
