I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
