Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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