it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
