So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize