This girl is more easily done than said...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
