I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
