You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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