He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
