marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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