I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
