I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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