Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
