Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
