My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Randomize
