I cockslap morals
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
