And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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