If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize